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Dr. Susan’s Blog – Relationships

 

 

 

Passion and Sex in Long-Term Relationships

January 1, 2021 By Susan O'Grady Leave a Comment

  It is not uncommon to have romantic fantasies about people other than your partner. It’s not just normal; ...

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What to Do After a Fight and How to Repair

June 13, 2020 By Susan O'Grady Leave a Comment

One of the most important skills you can learn to better manage conflict is how to make a repair AFTER you’ve had a ...

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Micro-cheating’s Seductive Quick Fix … and why it’s a bad idea

August 29, 2018 By Susan O'Grady Leave a Comment

In a committed relationship, cheating comes in many forms. It can be as big as a long-term affair with one’s best ...

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Using Softened Startup in Conflict Discussions

June 17, 2017 By Susan O'Grady 6 Comments

Dirty Dishes in the Sink, Smelly Socks on the Floor Sometimes the things that drive us most crazy in a marriage are the ...

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Anxiety Knows No Age Limits: Each moment is all we really ever have

May 11, 2017 By Susan O'Grady 5 Comments

We all get anxious from time to time. Even mild panic that’s morphed from mere anxiety is normal. Most often, though, ...

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Sex and Romance in Long Term Relationships

February 28, 2017 By Susan O'Grady 2 Comments

Harboring fantasies about someone else while happily coupled isn’t unusual. In most relationships, whether of two years, ...

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hiding from emotions is never a good strategy

Working with Emotions: How mindfulness and awareness help

February 7, 2017 By Susan O'Grady 4 Comments

Bringing the hidden to light is an important part of psychotherapy, sometimes achieved through focus on intellectual ...

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Relationships and chronic pain.

How to Keep Your Marriage Healthy While Coping with Chronic Illness

September 19, 2016 By Susan O'Grady 1 Comment

Most marriages will be confronted with challenges. How we cope, make meaning from, and find benefit in challenges ...

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Expressing Fondness and Admiration for a Strong Foundation

August 16, 2016 By Susan O'Grady Leave a Comment

Healthy relationships are built on a strong foundation. In Northern California, where I live, houses are constructed on ...

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Remaking Love: When did you stop dancing?

February 9, 2016 By Susan O'Grady 6 Comments

Taking Down the Walls to Intimacy Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all ...

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Eye contact is crucial in couple and family relationship.

Look Into My Eyes: The crucial role of eye contact in relationships

February 3, 2016 By Susan O'Grady 2 Comments

People are innately attracted to faces, especially eyes. The human face is associated with our identity; we are ...

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Division of labor in relationships -- learning to talk about without conflict.

Division of labor in relationships: How to make it work

July 8, 2015 By Susan O'Grady 5 Comments

Conflict is inevitable in marriage, and how to divvy up chores is one of the most common conflicts. Virtually every ...

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Being a parent requires balancing personal needs with family and couple needs.

Marriage and Parenting: Balancing everyone’s needs

May 20, 2015 By Susan O'Grady 6 Comments

Work-life Balance --  Making Time for Yourself When I was born, my father’s colleagues congratulated him with the ...

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Sexual Intimacy isn't just about the sex.

Better Sex through Non-Sexual Touching

May 5, 2015 By Susan O'Grady 11 Comments

Two people rarely have the exact same sex drive. One person might be happy with daily sex, another with monthly. Besides ...

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Parenting: Playing the Hand You’re Dealt

April 29, 2015 By Susan O'Grady 8 Comments

As parents, most of us make terrible fortune-tellers. When my daughter Eileen was a first-grader, she was sent to the ...

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Love is Nurtured by Expressing Fondness & Admiration

“I’d be better off single”: Distress-maintaining thinking

March 3, 2015 By Susan O'Grady 5 Comments

How may times have you gone to bed thinking that you hate your partner, fantasizing how you would live on your own? Your ...

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Couples counseling to help cope with disappointments with partner.

Building and Keeping a Strong Relationship After Having Kids

February 17, 2015 By Susan O'Grady Leave a Comment

 Marital conflict is bad for kids. While every marriage has conflict, especially after the first baby, persistent ...

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The Effect of Having Kids on a Marriage

February 10, 2015 By Susan O'Grady 4 Comments

Marriage is Strained After Having Children Being a parent is hard. But being a parent is really hard on a marriage. ...

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Falling in Love Again with Your Partner: Love Maps, Friendship, and Staying Connected

January 20, 2015 By Susan O'Grady 2 Comments

When love is new, we ask questions to get to know our partner well. As Mandy Len Catron wrote for The New York Times in ...

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Relationships and chronic pain.

Turning Toward Each Other Every Day: You Don’t Have to Wait for Date Night

September 25, 2014 By Susan O'Grady Leave a Comment

Building closeness doesn’t happen only on date night, the subject of my previous two posts. Turning toward each other ...

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Date night is good for you and the kids.

Five Excuses Couples Use to Avoid Date Night

September 17, 2014 By Susan O'Grady Leave a Comment

 1. “Hiring a sitter is too expensive.” There are ways to minimize the expense of hiring a babysitter. A ...

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Sharing tea or coffee during date night in marriage.

Date Night: Making Time Together Part 1

September 11, 2014 By Susan O'Grady Leave a Comment

Couples need time to be together without other couples, family, kids, TV, and the endless distractions of a digital ...

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Marriage is fragile, take care of yours.

Marriage and Idealism

September 8, 2014 By Susan O'Grady Leave a Comment

In my practice, I often treat couples who have highly idealistic expectations about marriage. Does that sound ...

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Marriage & Acceptance: Crooked Timbers

July 23, 2014 By Susan O'Grady Leave a Comment

Perfectionism is a personality trait that can have positive results: perfectionists work hard to get things right and ...

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Couples therapy and Family of Origin.

Seeing How Childhood Patterns Affect Marriage

February 13, 2014 By Susan O'Grady Leave a Comment

  When Mark and Judy came to see me for couples therapy, Judy felt frustrated by her husband’s constant ...

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hiding from emotions is never a good strategy

Six Ground Rules for Introducing a New Girlfriend or Boyfriend to Your Kids

January 31, 2014 By Susan O'Grady 62 Comments

When is it okay to introduce your kids to a date after divorce or separation? This is a common question for newly ...

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How Couples Counseling Can Guide a Divorce That’s Better for the Kids

January 28, 2014 By Susan O'Grady 1 Comment

Staying Together for the Kids: Why This Isn't a Good Idea In my work as a counselor, I approach every couple with the ...

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Ways to Increase Fondness and Admiration

December 17, 2013 By Susan O'Grady Leave a Comment

The Sound Relationship House Part 3: Ways to Increase Fondness and Admiration We use many of these tools for ...

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Love is Nurtured by Expressing Fondness & Admiration

The Sound Relationship House: Sharing Fondness and Admiration

November 26, 2013 By Susan O'Grady 3 Comments

  Sharing Fondness and Admiration In the previous post, I described the first foundation level of the Sound ...

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The Sound Relationship House: Friendship and Appreciation

November 22, 2013 By Susan O'Grady Leave a Comment

The Sound Relationship: Part 1   A great marriage needs a strong foundation. Remember the story of the three ...

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Sex and Kissing in Relationships

November 11, 2013 By Susan O'Grady Leave a Comment

Why is kissing important? We need to feel connected in our intimate relationships and kissing is, or should be, an easy ...

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Passion and Romance in Marriage: How it Goes Sour

October 3, 2013 By Susan O'Grady 3 Comments

Would you choose gelato over non-fat frozen yogurt? Most of us would say gelato, even knowing that it is an unhealthy ...

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Travels and Travails

Relationships and Vacations

August 12, 2013 By Susan O'Grady Leave a Comment

  A weekend away can bring back romance and intimacy For many couples, a vacation brings a return to romance. But ...

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Are you texting your partner too much? 6 Ways Texting Can Be Inappropriate in Your Relationship

August 7, 2013 By Susan O'Grady Leave a Comment

With smartphones, our partner is just a text away. That’s not always a good thing. Sure, texting is a great way of ...

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Marriage Takes Work, Care, and Attention

July 3, 2013 By Susan O'Grady Leave a Comment

“Marriage, the Job: The Hard Work in ‘Before Midnight,’ Amour’ and Other Films and Shows,” A.O. Scott points out that in ...

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How Anger Hurts Relationships

May 23, 2013 By Susan O'Grady 2 Comments

Getting angry...is easy and everyone can do it; but doing it . . . in the right amount, at the right time, and for the ...

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140 Characters or Less: The Three-Sentence Rule in Communication

May 5, 2013 By Susan O'Grady 1 Comment

  Couples frequently come to therapy complaining of communication problems. Conflicts don’t get resolved. ...

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Do Opposites Attract? How what once attracted us can begin to repel

May 1, 2013 By Susan O'Grady 2 Comments

We Seek Wholeness in Ourselves When we Choose our Mate The adage “opposites attract” is often true before marriage and ...

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Honoring Each Other’s Dreams: Create Shared Meaning

April 25, 2013 By Susan O'Grady Leave a Comment

For Greater Intimacy, Stay in Touch With Hopes and Dreams “Like everything which is not the involuntary result of ...

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ADHD Medications in Childhood: Dependency and Addiction in Adulthood

April 21, 2013 By Susan O'Grady 1 Comment

ADHD Medications in Childhood: A Cautionary Tale The NY Times article ‘Drowned in a Stream of Prescriptions’ was all ...

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Turning Toward with Affection

Turning Toward in Relationships: Express Affection and Admiration

April 20, 2013 By Susan O'Grady Leave a Comment

  When my mother turned 92 a couple of years ago, she fell in love for the fourth time, with a younger man—he ...

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How Marriage Can Survive Health Problems

Amour: Keeping Marriage Strong After a Stroke

March 25, 2013 By Susan O'Grady 40 Comments

The French film Amour is a touching, realistic window into the world of a committed marriage in which one partner has ...

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Helping your child in school

10 Things Parents can do to Help Their Kids Engage in School

March 17, 2013 By Susan O'Grady Leave a Comment

  My daughter posted this photo and comment on her Facebook page after purchasing her textbooks for winter ...

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Sleep and Romantic Relationships: How a Good Night’s Sleep Keeps Relationships Romantic

March 12, 2013 By Susan O'Grady Leave a Comment

  Research conducted at the University of California, Berkeley, showed that poor sleep hurts relationships. ...

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Couples who show affection in simple ways like holding hands have more positive perspective on their relationships.

Turning Toward Each Other to Maintain Your Relationship

February 16, 2013 By Susan O'Grady 2 Comments

The Magic Five and One-half Hours a Week:  How to strengthen your relationship by turning toward each other every ...

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"The Great Wall"

The Fourth Horseman: Stonewalling

February 10, 2013 By Susan O'Grady Leave a Comment

During lectures about marriage, I have used this photo of the Great Wall of China to illustrate Gottman’s fourth ...

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The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: Shortcutting Criticism

January 9, 2013 By Susan O'Grady Leave a Comment

In the biblical Book of Revelations, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse signal the end of the world through conquest, ...

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Preventing infidelity: Open the sliding door to love

October 18, 2012 By Susan O'Grady 2 Comments

 Dr. John Gottman recently sent me a complimentary copy of his latest book, What Makes Love Last? I read it with ...

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The College Transition: Things to Talk About

August 27, 2012 By Susan O'Grady 1 Comment

 College is a rite of passage, a transition into adulthood. It’s a transition for parents, too, who can no longer ...

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Updating Your Love Maps—Keeping Friendship in Your Marriage

August 9, 2012 By Susan O'Grady Leave a Comment

“You like tomato and I like tomahto” Last night I made a salad for dinner.  I picked fresh lemon cucumbers and ...

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Learning to Stay Calm During Difficult Discussions

July 26, 2012 By Susan O'Grady 1 Comment

By the time couples come to couples therapy they have a built up a lot of tension around recurring problems. For ...

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Summer Travels and Travails: Tips for Stress-free Vacations

July 19, 2012 By Susan O'Grady Leave a Comment

  Tips for Making Summer Vacations Stress-Proof: or at least stress-resistant By now, most of us have either ...

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Strains of Summer on Family Life

July 14, 2012 By Susan O'Grady Leave a Comment

  School is out.  Swim season is in full swing.  From my home, I hear the loud speaker blasting ...

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