O'Grady Psychology Associates

Psychotherapy, Marriage Counseling, Neuropsychological Assessment

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The Buckeye: Intimations of Spring

In psychotherapy we go through the dark winter of our soul to find the spring and our wholeness.
The first California Buckeye of spring.

Spring is still a ways away where I live in northern California. The air is fresh; the sunlight brightens the green hills surrounding our mountain. The evenings are becoming just noticeably longer. The opposite coast, from Boston to Maine, saw 30 inches of snow in just a few days. Sensational news stories tell of people stuck in their homes with snow blocking doorways and covering cars.

It might be hard to believe in spring back east, but during my hike in the foothills this evening, the California buckeye trees—always the first to show their green leaves—were magnificently preening against the backdrop of a the late western sun. The Valley oaks will leaf out in a month or so, but until then, the buckeye takes center stage.

In the Greek myth, Persephone is the daughter of Demeter, goddess of the harvest. The beautiful young Persephone is abducted by Hades and taken to his kingdom in the underworld, where he makes her queen. Her mother grieves for her so intensely that nothing grows, introducing the first winter to the world. When Persephone emerges at last, Demeter relents and releases her stranglehold on the earth, letting the tender shoots and tendrils which had been underground unfurl toward the warm sun. The cycle repeats each year.

As for us, by mid-February the urge to shed accumulated winter layers of clothes, pounds, and clutter settle into the collective psyche. Days lengthen and we move outside, toward the grill, or to a patch of weeds. Weeding is therapeutic. Digging the damp dirt, just deep enough to feel the fragile weed roots and gently shaking off the dirt clumps while careful not to disturb those humble tillers, the earthworms, reminds us of the inevitability of change. And that while frost covers the earth, life continues to work underground, below the surface of what is seen. Like Persephone, we emerge from winter to notice the results of underground happenings.

Psychotherapy Provides a Safe Place to Grow into Wholeness and Fullness

When people enter psychotherapy, they are encumbered with layers of accumulated mud. It takes many forms—secrets, sadness, and shame—but alongside the difficulties that motivate people to seek counseling, there is a drive to be whole. It’s manifested in the desire to take care of yourself by reaching out beyond your circle of family and friends to move forward in life, to find a neutral, safe place to explore where you’ve been and who you’ve come to be.

Taking the step to make a call, to schedule an appointment, and to find a way to pay for therapy is a beginning. When new clients arrive in my waiting room, it is with mixed emotions—fear and dread certainly, but also excitement because they have taken the initiative to shake off the dirt and move toward the growth that will surely bring healing. The first appointment brings relief co-mingled with excitement about the prospect of change.

These hints, these intimations that spring is near—just around the corner of the calendar—reconnect us with the ancient knowledge that it is only by going into the dark places within that we can emerge into the fullness of our individual uniqueness. Along with cultivating our gardens, we can cultivate ourselves.

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Psychotherapy and Choice: The Journey to the Self

I often hike the trails below Mt. Diablo and am not a stranger to seeing snakes on the path, and have been told that in stretches of certain trails, rattlesnakes peer out from under the rocks. But on a recent hike, I was startled to actually make eye contact with a rattler! It was hiding in the hole underneath this gnarled tree trunk.

While snakes themselves have a rich symbolic history, today I want to talk more about the scary underground place it comes from.

I was reminded of a story I read to my daughters when they were young. The fable inspired lots of discussion in our home, and I believe it was formative for them.

The story was originally told to Rumi, the 13th-century Persian poet.

A caravan of men and camels crossed a desert and reached a place where they expected to find water. Instead they found only a hole going deep into the earth. They lowered bucket after bucket into the hole, but the rope each time came back empty—no bucket and no water. They then began to lower men into the hole but the men, too, disappeared from the end of the rope. Finally a wise man among the party volunteered to go down into the hole in search of water.

When the wise man reached the bottom of the hole, he found himself face to face with a horrible monster. The wise man thought to himself, “I can’t hope to escape from this place, but I can at least remain aware of everything I am experiencing.”

The monster said to him, “I will let you go only if you answer my question.”

The wise man replied, “Ask your question.”The monster said, “Where is the best place to be?”

The wise man thought to himself, “I don’t want to hurt his feelings. If I name some beautiful city, he may think I’m disparaging his hometown. Or maybe his hole is the place he thinks is best.”

So he said to the monster, “The best place to be is wherever you feel at home—even if it’s a hole in the ground.”

The monster said, “You are so wise that I will not only let you go, but I will also free the foolish men who came down before you. And I will release the water in this well.”

Wisdom and Choice

What made the wise man wise? He had a choice. He could go down into the darkness or not. He chose to descend into the hole even though it was doubtful that he would come back up again. He also chose to remain aware. He said, “I can at least remain aware of everything I am experiencing.” He showed kindness and compassion, without an agenda to beat the monster at his riddle. Through awareness and courtesy, he sets free his companions and releases the water.

Healing Comes from Confronting our Difficult, Dark Sides

Symbolically, this story illustrates a path to healing. In psychotherapy, we are often confronted with feelings that come from deep in the unconscious. By taking the difficult route into the darker places within, we can come back with deeper self-knowledge. When people begin individual therapy, they are often hesitant to look at the dark, secret places they keep tucked away. Psychotherapy is an opportunity to dig deeper and to face the darkness within, to remain aware and open to experience in the search for insight.

When we start down the path of self-understanding, we must choose to look at the discarded parts of ourselves. In this process, we can free ourselves from the things that hold us back from being truly alive. No one is without stain—without what seems like a monster inside. It is by entering the darkness that we can release the water, the substance of life, thereby slaking our thirst for wholeness.