O'Grady Psychology Associates

Psychotherapy, Marriage Counseling, Neuropsychological Assessment

By 2 Comments

Finding Happiness: You Can’t Always Get What You Want

 Those only are happy who have their minds fixed on some object other than their own happiness. – Mill

Grasping for Happiness may Lead to Depression

Judging by the huge number of psychological and self-help books claiming to know the secret to happiness and how people can increase it, we have become a nation obsessed with happiness. Happiness is important to well-being and for physical and emotional health, but research has shown that the more we value happiness, the more likely we will feel disappointed. These studies suggest that encouraging a goal of maximizing happiness (as many “self-help” books do) may be counterproductive.

Happiness is not an achievable goal in the same way academic success is, through working hard and studying. Happiness is more slippery than that. By making happiness a goal to be achieved, we set difficult-to-obtain standards that can be easily frustrated. Frustration leads to disappointment and discontent and, paradoxically, decreasing happiness.

When we expect to feel happy and instead end up feeling blah, bored, or bothered, our experience is incompatible with our goal of happiness. When people put too much emphasis and value on seeking happiness, they become vulnerable to paradoxical effects.

Unhappiness (though not depression) is often attributable to a particular circumstance, such as hearing that a close friend had an accident. So in positive circumstances, people have every reason to feel happy. You might, for instance, plan a special occasion like a party or a night out, fully expecting happiness as a result. Yet you might feel let down instead if the occasion couldn’t live up to your expectations for it. So the more you desire happiness, the less likely you may be to obtain it, especially when happiness appears within reach.

Accepting the Good, and the Difficult Emotions

It makes sense to follow John Stuart Mill’s suggestion not to have your mind fixed on personal happiness. Eliminating happiness as a goal to be achieved helps people better accept negative emotional experiences, improving overall emotional health.

In psychotherapy, we work on accepting that not all experience will be positive or happy. It is by accepting both our difficult experiences along with the more favorable ones that we begin to live life more fully. And in living fully, with ups, downs, and the in-between experience, we may be surprised to find happiness is often just around the corner—obtainable—if we’re not grasping for it.

In mindfulness-based cognitive therapy and stress reduction, we teach non-judgmental acceptance of all of our thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations. And, paradoxically by practicing this acceptance, those moments of happiness sneak up on us, and we can be surprised to find ourselves feeling happy for no apparent reason.

Iris B. Mauss, Maya Tamir, Craig L. Anderson, and Nicole S. Savino. (2011). Can Seeking Happiness Make People Happy? Paradoxical Effects of Valuing Happiness. Emotion.

By 3 Comments

The Benefits of Practicing Mindfulness in Nature

The Benefits of Practicing Mindfulness in Nature

Research has consistently shown that time spent in nature helps people cope with depression and anxiety. Combined with other self-care activities, it can be as effective in treating psychological problems as anti-depressants.

But too often we run from activity to another and then finally, plop down on the worn sofa—unaware that these moments in nature are always available to us. In the park by the office, or in our own backyard, we can rest, listening to the buzz of sound all around. When we slow down enough to see the canvas of nature, we can experience contentment akin to one-ness with the natural world.

In mindfulness-based cognitive therapy and stress reduction, we ask participants to practice meditation daily, both formally and informally. Formal practice includes sitting or laying down and focusing on the breath, or on sounds– the intent is to be still and focused. Informal practice can be doing any routine activity mindfully. As the old saying has it, “Chop wood, carry water.” Some days we can eat a meal mindfully, without watching TV or reading the paper, just chewing and noticing the senses of smell, color, taste, and texture. Mindfulness can mean sitting in the garden and being attentive to the sounds of insects and the rustle of the breeze and doing nothing but sitting. (The Japanese Buddhist word for mindfulness practice, “zazen,” simply means “seated meditation.”)
Beginning a formal meditation practice can be daunting because of our innate resistance to sitting still with no distraction but paying attention to your breathing. In some meditation practices, the instruction will be to focus attention on a word, or to count to ten and start over. There are many ways to be still and it is important to try different kinds of meditation to find a practice that best suits you. When I teach Mindfulness-based stress reduction groups, participants will gravitate to one form of meditation over another. Each person is different. Some find mindfulness of sights and sound to be more effective, while others will focus on their breathing. In these classes, we practice many different ways to meditate and each participant is encouraged to find one they think they can continue to work with after the group ends.

Mindfulness Meditation: Informal Practice in Nature

But informal practice is always available and readily accessible to most of us: no special cushions, meditation rooms, or fancy teacher required. In fact, giving yourself permission to just do one thing, with presence, is a great way to slow down. If you can find some time each day to be mindful, especially in the natural world, that will go a long way in helping ease the symptoms of depression. Go outside and sit in your garden or the local park and be with nature. Even just a few minutes of watching the birds, weeding or pruning the roses will help boost your mood.

Berman, M. G., Jonides, J., & Kaplan, S. (2008). The cognitive benefits of interacting with nature. Psychological Science, 19, 1207–1212.
Hofmann, S. G., Sawyer, A. T., Witt, A. A., & Oh, D. (2010). The effect of mindfulness-based therapy on anxiety and depression: A meta- analytic review. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 78
Maller, C., Townsend, M., Pryor, A., Brown, P., & St Leger, L. (2006). Healthy nature, healthy people: ‘Contact with nature’ as an upstream health promotion intervention for populations. Health Promotion Inter- national, 21, 45–54.

By 3 Comments

The fullest experience of the adventure of life: Eleanor Roosevelt, Blogging, and Mindfulness

I just returned from Rhinebeck, NY, where I took an intensive professional training course in Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) for the Prevention of Depression Relapse. The five-day course was developed for health-care professionals who already have experience with mindfulness-based approaches.

Many years ago, I studied Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction with its developer, Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn. Since that time, research has continued to demonstrate the effectiveness of mindfulness training in treating many forms of emotional difficulties. Offspring treatments that involve mindfulness as a major component to their treatment protocol include Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT).

Taking a course in MBCT  gave me the opportunity to study with one of the major researchers and writers in the field. It was given by Zindel Segal, PhD, and Susan Wood, MSW, LCSW. Dr. Segal is the author of Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy for Depression: A New Approach to Preventing Relapse, 2002, The Guilford Press.

While the course was valuable and added to my skills in teaching this treatment approach, the highlight of the trip was my excursion to Val-Kill, the unpretentious, comfortable home of Eleanor Roosevelt. Just down the road in Hyde Park, NY, stands the opulent estate of her husband, Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Ms. Roosevelt created her separate home in a style that reflected her sensibilities, not those of her husband. Set among trees and brooks, the house contains simple furniture and cozy, intimate rooms.

I was fascinated to learn that Eleanor Roosevelt was a kind of pioneering blogger extraordinaire. She wrote a daily letter to Americans that came to be called “My Day,” one of the most popular syndicated columns of the time. She wrote her column six days a week, often dictated in any free moment she found. She published over five hundred words per column, at least six days a week for 26 years from 1936-1962. Personal as well as socially relevant, her work communicated her thoughts, joys, and intimate concerns.

As a beginning blogger, I have wondered about my urge to write. In a previous post, I talked about how this form of writing allows me to take my many years as a psychologist and put words to this experience that can go beyond the confines of my confidential private office. Social media has provided a means for anyone to make his or her thoughts and opinions public, taking journaling to a new level—but not an unprecedented one, as I saw by Eleanor’s example.

Pleasant and Unpleasant Events Calendar

I often suggest that my clients journal. Collecting thoughts and feelings by observing them and taking the extra step to write them down allows insights to emerge. In MBCT, one of the first homework exercises is to write a daily note about a pleasant and an unpleasant experience that occurred during the day. By noting the thoughts, feelings, and sensations associated with such experiences, we bring mindful awareness to daily life. This can allow us to experience and appreciate the moment simply as it is, without adding further elaboration in the form of wishing, dreading, or judging. It is often our mental elaboration that triggers rumination, a common symptom in depression. We can begin to realize that even unpleasant events can be tolerated. Bringing awareness to each situation, whether we label it good or bad, is an important step in learning to relate differently to them. This takes practice. And curiosity.

The Fullest Experience of the Adventure of Life

As Eleanor Roosevelt writes in You Learn by Living: Eleven Keys For a More Fulfilling Life, “There is no experience from which you can’t learn something. When you stop learning you stop living in any vital and meaningful sense. And the purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience. . . . The experience can have meaning only if you understand it. You can understand it only if you have arrived at some knowledge of yourself, a knowledge based on a deliberately and usually painfully acquired self-discipline, which teaches you to cast out fear and frees you for the fullest experience of the adventure of life.”

Being attentive to thoughts and writing them down takes discipline. When keeping a journal (or a thought record of daily events, or writing a blog) our life experience is enlarged and enriched. For people struggling with depression, being able to notice even slightly positive things during the day allows them to see that such events are already there for them. For some, it may be noticing the song of a bird, or the stars on a clear night—these simple experiences are always within reach, but for someone who struggles with depression, they go unattended. Writing is a vehicle of self-expression.

References:

Roosevelt, E. (2001). My Day: The best of Eleanor Roosevelt’s acclaimed newspaper columns, 1936-1962. D. Emblidge (Ed.) Cambridge, MA: Da Capo Press.

Roosevelt, E. (2011). You learn by living: Eleven keys for a more fulfilling life. New York: Harper Perennial.

Segal, Z. V., Williams, J. M. G., & Teasdale, J. D. (2002). Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy for depression: A new approach to preventing relapse. New York: Guilford.

 

By 1 Comment

Appreciating the Absence of Pain

 

You don’t appreciate not having a toothache until you have a toothache.  Sitting in the endodontist’s chair last week, I was asked if my tooth ached.  I paused for a long moment, and then replied, “ache is a very vague term”.  We both laughed.  Pain is difficult to measure.  Equally difficult to measure is joy– elusive and fleeting.

Thich Nhat Hanh used the toothache analogy when he spoke to a group of therapists many years ago. “When you have a toothache, you are enlightened—you know something very important—that not having a toothache is a wonderful thing. “

He further elaborated; “when you do not have a toothache, you don’t seem to enjoy it—peace is there in the present moment, but we find it boring and that is why we look for something more exciting”.   It feels so good when a toothache finally goes away.  If only we could appreciate the absence of that pain all the time.

Not all pain can be resolved by a dental procedure.  We are surrounded by pain in our work.  We see so many varieties of suffering, some themes repeated like a familiar chorus, others particular and unique to a single human being.   Our hearts ache with the daily news from places both remote and in our own backyards.  But when we experience extraordinary pain, we remember how fortunate we were for the time when pain was absent. Most of the time, however, we slug through our days, not noticing the absence of pain.

During the root canal, I listened to a favorite playlist on my iPod.  Steve Jobs had died a few days before.  I could not help but silently thank him for the music that distracted and entertained me, drowning out the sound of the drill.  Like many, I shed tears when I heard the news of the great man’s death. Grief is too strong a word for my feelings.  Rather, I felt a tender softness for the man I never met, for he enhanced my life at almost every turn.  From the podcasts that enrich me, to the MacAirbook that keeps track of my notes and projects, power points and photos, to the iPad that keeps me from double booking my clients (most of the time) and gives me a library full of books, and finally to that most magical of devices, my iPhone—that lets me check the weather, the news, the map, and gives me countless sources of entertainment.

Technology has enhanced our lives.   We have become experts at multitasking.  But it is in the moments of quiet, when our senses are awake, that we can feel the absence of ache.

Autumn has arrived.  October is my favorite month.  It is the month of my birth, but that is not the main reason I love it.  I love the long shadows and the harvest moon.  The light and the darkness meld into one another as the center of day holds until it succumbs and leaves the evenings long, for soup, for hearth, for stories.

And with the arrival of autumn, the holiday season approaches.  Our clients feel the tug of opposing emotions—joy, gratitude, resentment, and disappointment. We listen.   And we try to help integrate their dark and light.

But at the end of the day, we must shed our helping selves for a time, so that we can appreciate the absence of ache.  So that we can enjoy the moments that, when strung together, give us that delicious taste of all that is good in our lives.

“Be hungry, be foolish.”  Mr. Jobs spoke that advice at Stanford after hearing of his cancer diagnosis.    As we head into this holiday season where autumn fades into winter, let’s remember to be hungry for creative urges, for love, and for all that feeds us around the hearth. In our consulting rooms as we listen deeply to our clients as they work with their pain let us be present.

I remind myself to be playful and look for newness even if it seems foolish.  Mindful living is to be in touch with life—in order to enjoy the presence of your non- toothache.

Originally published:  President’s Column October 21, 2011